Gah! Have you ever had those decisions to make? You know, the ones that have your gut wrenching, and you can’t think about anything else? The ones where no matter what choice you make, you’re going to lose something? The ones that are a critical, irreversible, unavoidable fork in the road? Oh, and by the way, there’s a boulder rolling along at breakneck speed behind you, so hurry up and make your choice…? Those ones. Ever had those?
I am faced with that on a number of different planes right now, and I don’t enjoy it one bloody bit. Oh the possibilities are attractive. No matter what way I go there are potential positives… I oft think there always are. I must, however, weigh the negatives. Which are the heaviest? Which can I bear to carry on my shoulders?
And most, I will admit, revolve around my current work situation.
I have recently been promoted to a new position, and am on many days enjoying it greatly. Then, there are these other days. The days where I can’t think straight; can’t work up the motivation to do the many multitudes of things that are asked of me. Those days, suck. And it is always on these days that I wonder “is this the right job for me?” Even now as I sit here and write this, I don’t have an answer to that question. Sure my job has kept me employed these many years, and there are a great deal of positive aspects to it. Then, there are these others… Those reasons that often push people out of their job and in search of a new one. Pressure from up above, from the competition, internal and external. The pressure to succeed and do it well. And the concern of what will happen if success is not obtained.
They say this job isn’t for the faint of heart, and that it requires that special person to success at it. Yet we are always in search of those people. We never seem to find them. At the end of the day, we are left with the people we have, who will do what they will and so often that isn’t what we want.
I suppose that at this point I am just ranting, and should move on to other tasks and subjects. So be it. This will just have to sit on the shelf for now.
It is insane, how much attention becomes something to obsess over. I’ve had this site up for less than 24 hours, and I already find myself pondering over the next thing I should be putting up here. Not because I want to, nor necessarily because I should. I’m not a dedicated writer by any means. In fact, I tend more to jot down things here and there, and once in a while I finish a piece, albeit usually a short one.
No, I find that I am drawn to adding more and more content because people so far have paid attention to it. Far faster, and by far more people than I expected. (Yup, 10 more than expected. I expected 0.) 🙂
So where do I go from here? Do I keep adding stuff, dredging up old content that I’ve written in years gone by, or jotting down all my thoughts on to this site in the hopes of more “likes” and “follows”? Perhaps. I still, honestly, am unsure where this is going. I have a great many scribbles and such that I could drop here. Old photos that I took, projects that I did. All that kind of stuff. Even more little snippets than I’ve put up here so far.
I can pull content from other sites, and add my comments here for anyone to read; though that feels like cheap content to me. But it will happen in all likelihood.
And then there’s the design. Every time I log in and look at the appearance of the site…I want to tweak it. I get the feeling that, given a little time, I’m going to have to get my hands dirty and add some scrollwork to that shelf, lest it sit there and simply be plain planks nailed together…
I wrote this I know not when… It was a few years ago. But I think I am going to dredge up a lot of old snippets and such to post here. Such is a much better home for them than a drawer nobody else but me will open.
Ever and always, life creates.
Whether ’tis a thought, a life,
a buliding, a thing, or love;
Those that are here, may not
always see it.
Life creates. Even in our toil,
we are creating; always anew,
something must come. The old
goes, the new on the horizon;
there is more to be created.
Life creates. Even in destruction,
that which is gone brings new
into the world, something not
here before, or perhaps here
again. The cycle continues.
An impossible position, bring torn in twain. I thought for what was, and a wish for what might. Today, what may, tomorrow, tonight.[Top]
I say to myself, “I just want to put up a simple site, and write some stuff, post some content”…and then I get involved. In the process, I go through every wordpress theme I can get my hands on, spend half an hour deciding, “do I want this one? Or should I do this? Oh, but if only this one had a different font, or a different image…this would be so much better if the layout were just slightly different than what the creator put there…”
So I’m going to stop that nonsense right bloody now. A simple theme, though the font is not what I would have it be, nor the entire atmosphere what I could envision…it doesn’t have to be. Right now, It’s a place for me to put stuff, and that was my original intent.
I guess that, at some point, I will likely take the reigns again and go into full on developer mode; but for now, I want to create the content. Let’s add the trappings later, when I have more stuff to show off. A bookshelf isn’t all that impressive if it isn’t full of books.[Top]